Does It Really Taste Like Strawberries
by Vampire Louis
Summary: Death neatly skirts around his main problem while Black Star and Soul Eater find ways to confront the lesser ones. Like getting laid. It's just not cool to be a 17 year old god who's still a virgin. Serious fic turned cracked humor. DeathStar/StarDeath


**Title**: Does it really taste like strawberries?

**Rating**: pg13

**Pairing**: Black Star x Death The Kid

**Warnings**: Snogging, heavy petting… I gloss over details mostly.

**Disclaimers**: I don't own them; never have, never will. I just like to make them dance for my own personal amusement… I swear I'll put them back when I'm done :D!

**Authors Notes: **_I wrote this for my wife because I ran her car along a pole and put a dent in the door. No seriously. This is an apology fic. _

_It was meant to be serious but it was also meant to be done many many months ago. And we see how THAT turned out. It really does just dissolve into humor and a bit of crack. I also feel like I kind of cut it short but it works XD!_

* * *

Death couldn't remember his mother but on some nights, certain nights, he missed her.

She died when he was just a baby but if he thinks about it long enough, vague sensations filter through the fog of time and he can recall the color of her hair. Whips of blond strands that he had grasped in his tiny hands reminded him of the sun and he was sure that her hair was spun from rays of its light.

If he thinks about it just a little longer, he can recall that her eyes always sparkled with unspoken lullabies though he couldn't place if they were drops of amber or deep hues of ocean blue; the distant images kept fading and only highlights of the past remained imprinted on his memory.

However, the part of her that sticks out the most to him was her smile. It was radiant and her laughter was pure, still echoing in his ears from that far corner of his mind where the rest of his almost forgotten memories slept.

She was beautiful and everyone had loved her.

Above all others, though, his father had loved her the most. When she was still alive, his father barely wore his mask and the youngest Death could almost recollect what his father looked like. Almost. When his mother passed away, Shinigami hid his face in grief and little by little the mask stayed on longer and longer until the time came when he never took it off.

Kid can no longer remember what his father's face look like.

In the years following his mother's passing, Kid was often left to his own devices and in the lull of nothing to do the youngest Death developed neurotic behaviors that went unnoticed and stood uncorrected. Somehow the young boy had gotten it into his head that his mother's death had been his fault. Through the means of fallible logic Kid had deduced that because she had lived for so long before him, and it wasn't until after his birth that she so quickly went away, it just had to have be something he had done. Yet... everything about Kid had been perfect and blameless of fault… except for one thing.

It seemed ridiculous to blame the death of his mother on the unsymmetrical nature of his hair, but no one was around to tell him otherwise and he became more and more convinced that his unbalanced nature created an unbalanced imperfection in her which enviably resulted in her death. After all, his mother and father were perfect and perfect people could only give birth to other perfect people. Should there be a fault in this; should a perfect person give birth to a defective one, the only retroactive counter balance suitable would be death.

This seed of logical fallacies and guilt spawned a pattern of behaviors that became his entire existence. Asymmetry was the result of an imbalance in the natural flow of existence and imbalances meant death or worse. In his private studies he learned that most mental disorders were chemical imbalances in the mind. He also read that natural death was derived from the wearing down of cells and the progressive imbalance of genes and cells that can repair themselves to those that cannot. When more suicidal cells exist than ones that can be repaired, the organism that hosts them will die.

Life revolved around perfect balance. Symmetry was the ideal equation of balance, and Death was obsessed with it all.

Nevertheless, contrary to popular belief, not all of Kid's decisions were based on this concept of symmetry and balance. For example, his decision to take in the sister weapons was not entirely because of their symmetrical qualities. Truth be known, Liz looked strikingly like his mother and Patty possessed her constant amusement with life. Not exactly the same laugh but the concept was there -that same ability to be carefree and laugh at the stoic nature of the youngest Shinigami, all very similar.

Of course, the fact that they were (in their weapon form) flawlessly poised in symmetrical nature was a very necessary bonus. He would never tell anyone his real reasoning for taking them in but he never really had to. People assumed and their assumptions kept awkward questions from rising to the surface, saving Kid from having to face issues he couldn't even begin to deal with.

He never talks about his mother anymore.

~*~

Black star would never admit to needing anyone. His pride kept him from such a confession and his stupidity saw nothing wrong with this. As far as Black Star was concerned he didn't actually need anyone because he was perfection all on his own and people just tended to get in the way of that. Tsubaki was hardly an exception. He didn't feel as though he absolutely needed her, according to him he could wield any weapon that submitted to him (clearly the incident with Soul was all Soul's doing), but she was convenient to have around. She listened to him, humored him and generally said very little unless spoken to or pushed past her limits of patience. Tsubaki had a virtually endless supply of patience.

Yet there were times, and they were few and far between, that Black Star actually took the time to reflect on himself. They always came at random intervals and they were always short lived, numbers too few to even count with two hands. However, these spotted moments in time were rather monumental and they, for some reason, tended to revolve around a certain person. One might imagine it was Tsubaki, the ever adoring, ever supportive, light in his life. But it wasn't. Some might suggest it was Soul, the boy that had befriended him from his time in the orphanage and stuck by his side throughout their school years. But it wasn't. A few might even go as far as to say that it was Maka, the girl who he so valiantly fought next to (and often times fought WITH) in order to save the world as they knew it. But it wasn't.

No, in fact, the person who his thoughts lingered on in the space between sleep and awake had ebony hair marred by streaks of white and eyes that staggered in two different hues of amber. The only person who he never really managed to defeat.

~*~

In their Senior year of high school, relationship statuses dominated everyone's brain. Well.. Almost everyone's brain. There WERE a few who were too obsessed with other things (read: symmetry or themselves) to fret over something as benign as relationships. However, for the rest of the school.. It was everything. And as a general rule, Meisters almost always ended up dating their weapons. Of course, this wasn't a golden rule but it did stand as a reoccurring theme amongst the students. Reoccurring enough that Maka took several more awkward glances at her father and her professor who seemed to spend a little too much time together. Stein said it was for research. Spirit said it was against his will. Yet every week there they were, constantly being found in the same room in rather compromising positions with one of them always inexplicitly missing an article of clothing.

If it weren't for the fact that Stein usually had a scalpel in hand and Spirit was, nine times out of ten, screaming at the top of his lungs in protest, she would have been a little more suspicious. However, as it stood, Maka just gave them a questioning look before going about her business. Besides, that kind of thing was impossible. Papa loved women and Stein was.. Stein. Honestly, her mother left them because Papa flirted with too many women, not because Stein was constantly sneaking into their bedroom to kidnap Spirit and… experiment… on him…

Again, Maka found herself giving them a second glance before cleansing her mind of such ludicrous thoughts. Even if it was possible, she really didn't want to go there. The mental imagery would be damaging enough for two lifetimes and Maka had better things to be thinking about. Like her boyfriend.. Who was currently missing from his seat two minutes before the bell was about to ring.

Darting here eyes from left to right, she irritatingly found that his idiot best friend was also absent and the neurotic death god was no where to be found. Brown eyes locked with indigo and Tsubaki could merely smile and shrug.

"Yeah, great job of keeping track of your boyfriend." She mumbled indigently under her breath before heading right back out the door to go look for the boys. No doubt they were mid-brawl somewhere in a back alley getting their asses handed to them, but who was she to judge? Just because this was a monthly ritual didn't mean that they couldn't actually be doing something constructive with their time this round. Lord, maybe Kid took them both to the library for extra last minute studies before their exam at the end of the week.

Maka past the library and headed for the front of the school. However much she hopped, reality was too imposing for her day dreams to survive. The clicking tap of heels hitting the pavement behind her informed Maka that Tsubaki came as a back up and with a quick glance over her shoulder she confirmed that the girl was smart enough to bring a med kit.

Just another day in Shibusen.

~*~

"Define intervention."

Kid was displeased, back straight against the wall behind him, arms crossed over his chest in a defensive manor as he stared down the other two on either side of him.

"Seriously?" Black Star drew his eyebrows together and his fingers twitched with a need to grab that pocket dictionary Tsubaki had given him for Christmas last year.

"Look." Soul shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, saving Black Star from doing anything that might embarrass him. Not that Black Star COULD get embarrassed but Soul often felt the bitter sting of that emotion FOR his friend because, lord knows, no one else would. "We're just saying it's a little awkward that you haven't set your sights on anyone and people are starting to talk.."

"What do you--" Kid was cut off by a finger being thrust into his face and a determined look marring Star's expressions.

"Don't you realize how that makes me look if you can't even get yourself a girlfriend? If you need suggestions you could just look to me as your guiding star and I can tell you all you need to know about getting a girlfriend."

Death simply starred unimpressed. "I somehow doubt that anything you have to--"

"But even if you can't exactly live up to my standards, at least Soul could teach you a thing or two.." Again, he was cut off and Kid began to feel his right eye twitch involuntarily.

"I don't need a--"

"It'll be okay! Just leave it up to me and Soul! We'll hook you up for sure! No one can say no to Black Star after all." Suddenly there was a heavy hand on Kid's back, patting him there with enough force to make him choke on his own air.

"But I don't NEED a girl-"

"Give up." Soul's sharp teeth were shinning in the dim light, the gleam off the razor edges were more noticeable from his slightly bent over position he had been forced into the same person who was stealing Kid's oxygen with unpleasant heavy petting. "You need to relax a little anyway. You're a 17 year old God and still a virgin, how uncool is that?"

Kid frowned and stood up straight. "I'm not interested."

"WHAT?!" A Star exploded and a universe was born right in Kid's ear as the death god had to try his best not to smack a hand over his companion's mouth. His companion's very LOUD mouth that was beginning to make him feel edgy.

"I'm. Not. Interested." He hated repeating himself.

"At least come to our graduation party." Soul pressed and in that moment Kid could tell this was all Black Star's idea. Everything about it just wreaked of that boy's planning ability, which was little to nothing in case you were wondering.

"Of course I'm going. My father is putting on the event and-"

"Not THAT graduation party."

Kid was quickly growing tired of being cut off. "What party then?"

"Only the most amazing party to have ever been graced by my godly presence." Black Star never seemed to notice when people were outright ignoring him.

"It's at my apartment, 10pm. Liz and Patty are invited too." Soul was acting as smoothly as ever, like the oil to the destruction machine that made up the dynamic duo of Black Star and Soul Evans.

"... but they're not graduating."

"Doesn't matter. Dress casual and show up at ten. We'll work on fixing your problem then."

"I do NOT have a problem!"

"Whatever, just be there." The proverbial 'or be square' went unsaid but still hung in the air like the bad aftertaste of a horrid cliché.

"SOUL!" Maka's voice was piercing and that told Kid that it was time to head out and get back to class, however painful it may be.

Golden eyes settled on the two girls approaching, sizing them up with a gaze that was more critical than lustful before a deeply brewed sigh escaped. It just couldn't be helped. Every girl.. there was always some small detail about every girl that vaguely reminded him of his mother and THAT was nothing short of disturbing.

Take Maka for example. She would be something to desire with all her prestige and background and good looks if it weren't for the fact that her iron determination and sense of morality was what his father often talked about in regards to his mother.

Then of course there came Tsubaki just behind the blond, Tsubaki who possessed a grace and gentle demeanor that was similar to the touches he could barely recall in the memories that were all too quickly fading. And this is why he couldn't manage to date any girl. Death knew he had a problem in so many more ways than one, but admitting that to everyone else was a social suicide he simply was not ready for.

Ignoring the others in favor of heading back towards class, Kid desperately tried to clear his head of these thoughts by obsessing over the way he walked, making sure it was perfectly in time and that he would stop only on a number that ended in eight. Obsessions seemed like a good way to tangent from a greater problem he wasn't willing to work with just yet, like a band aid on a gushing wound not yet ready for sutures.

Stien noted everyone's return but opted to not comment on their tardiness nor the reason behind it. Instead, he busied himself with the prepping of several different creatures that he had planned to dissect in the name of science. One of which was Maka's father.

"Papa?"

"MAAAAAKAAA-CHAAAAAAN"

Kid sat down quickly and rubbed at his face with both hands. Step 888. Perfect.

"PAPA IS HERE FOR YOU MAKA-CHAN! DON'T CRY!"

"Who the hell is crying?!"

It was clearly going to be a very long week.

~*~

It was surprising how little Kid actually cared about attending school, or passing it for that matter. It wasn't like he went to class on a regular basis, or even bothered to pretend that his grades meant something. No, kid knew the life he had ahead of him was already planned out and because the road was already set in stone, his ambition to do more dwindled to nothing but a faint whisper of regret. Over the years kid learned to no longer regret. What was the point? Instead he obsessed and went about his compulsive rituals like they helped. As if they had some magical quality to them that would fix whatever was wrong in his life.. Or fix whatever was wrong in him.

The class stood up at once and gave a loud cheer, jarring the youngest Death from his thoughts as he realized the ceremony was over. Hats (and some questionable robes) were sailing through the air as the students of Shibusen celebrated their finial moments as students. A few of them had made Death Scythes, most of them hadn't , but that didn't seem to matter either way. They all would go about their duties under the rule of his father and do as they were asked to; like every year before this one. This was routine. This was monotonous.

"YAHOOO!!!" Black Star was standing on his chair with his finger pointed high in the air, proclaiming something at the top of his lungs that was surprisingly audible above the roar of everyone else's excitement. If Kid strained himself he could probably make out every word of the babble, however that didn't guarantee it would make any sense and moreover Kid wasn't in the habit of straining himself.

Regrettably, Black Star WAS in the habit of rambling on in his very own self proclaimed manner if no one stopped him, and Kid wasn't sure he wanted to see that happen. Seriously, the Star could just spill on for ten.. Twenty.. Thirty.. forty minutes (sometimes more) when uninterrupted. Unfortunately for Black Star, the longer his rants were, the progressively less sense they made which in turn meant people opted to listen to him even less than before. And of course, when Black Star thought no one was listening to him, he'd raise the pitch of his voice and started rolling out the works just to make SURE he was heard.

It was a vicious cycle that Kid had lamentably laid witness to FAR too often.

"Black Star!" If Death didn't call him out of his mantra, who would? "What time was the party again?" God he could have hit himself for saying that but it was the only thing he could think of that would warrant Black Star's attention long enough to distract him from his rant.

"Wha?" Dual stars blinked at the Shinigami before recognition hit them, "OH! Ten! And you better not be late!" The boy was grinning from ear to ear as he turned fully on the seat to narrow his attention down on the youngest Death. "We have plans for you."

Kid did not like the sound of that. Not even a little.

He squinted at his friend and attempted to hold off a headache that was coming by distracting his mind with something else. After all, that's what he was best at.. not dealing with pain by means of continual distraction and denial.

Of course, this lead to self sabotage.

His gaze was lingering on the urchin that stood on a chair in front of him and, before he knew it, he had began to analyze Black Star much in the same way that he analyzed every girl that got near him. God only knows WHY he decided to size up the boy, maybe it was the way sunlight splayed against the very symmetrical spikes of his hair, or the fact that Kid just noticed if you included his side locks, Black Star had 8 fairly perfect spikes across his forehead. However, in all probability, it was likely due to the fact that the mention of the party meant his admission of defeat to his friend's attempts at getting him laid and his brain was stuck on sexual interactions. Whatever the case may be… there was Kid, doing exactly what he wasn't supposed to be doing. Weighing out the sexual chemistry between himself and his friend. His male friend.

Oh god, where did his sense of rationality go today?

"Kid?"

Inappropriate flashes of imagined skin on skin skittered across his mind and Death merely blinked blankly at it.

"Uh.. Kid?'

There was something warm trickling down over Kid's lips by the time his eyes settled on the boy's shoulders enough to acknowledge that the only imperfection in his physical stature was the fact that he had a star with a scar through it on only one side of his body.

"Kid-kun.. You're um.." Distantly Kid recognized that Black Star sounded slightly worried but his brain was too busy figuring out how he could get away with putting another star on the other shoulder without him noticing.

"Kid.. You're bleeding." Ah. That was Liz talking. Liz in her rather imperfect stature that he constantly criticized her for on a -- wait.. He was bleeding?

Feeling a little dizzy, Kid turned away from his friend to look at his weapon. "Do we have any sharpies at the house?" And with that, the world went black.

Black Star was nothing like his mother.

~*~

"Oh come ON Kid!"

"KID KID Passed out from a nose bleed KID KID AHAHA!!"

He didn't have to open his eyes to know that Liz was hovering over him and Patty was in the background pointing while she laughed. Did he seriously just KO himself again?

Eyes slowly fluttered open and quickly adjusted to the dim indoor lighting. The young Shinigami waved off his weapons and gracefully rose up off the couch with a slight groan at his throbbing head that had unquestionably meet the ground in an impromptu dive into a transitory coma. Evidently the girls had taken him home after the sudden bought of unconsciousness and dumped him on the living room couch where he so laboriously found himself when he woke. Clearly no one was worried.

"Good, you're awake. Get changed now or we're going to be more late than we already are."

Death was still regaining his bearings when he stole a quick look over at the girls and noted their outfits had changed from this afternoon. "Late to what?"

Patty started crowing with laughter like a very clamorous and obnoxious bird he'd sooner shoot and eat than keep as a pet, "The PARTY!!"

Party? Party… Par-- shit.

"What time is it?"

"10:30."

Since he could vaguely remember what he was doing at 10am this morning, he assumed she meant 10pm and that they were late for Soul's party. Liz, who was plainly unimpressed with the fact that Kid had been unconscious for most of the day, was tapping of her foot to let him know she was exasperated that they were already late and getting later by the second thanks to him. Oh for the love of gods.

Kid barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he gingerly staggered towards his room. Note to self, he pulled his blood stained shirt off in a huff, never pass out or suffer a major injury before a main event as it only seems to inconvenience everyone else. The shirt went soaring into the laundry hamper before his eyes settled on the clothes that the girls had clearly picked out for him laying neatly across the bed . Kid sighed yet again. It would appear as though the girls were in on the "kid should get laid" brigade because this attire was one of his more… casual… pieces of clothing. Great. Why was everyone so into his business anyway?

An hour latter, the youngest Death emerged from his bedroom freshly showered and adorned in the outfit Patty and Liz had gone through great pains to pick out and lay out carefully for him. Both of them knowing Kid better than most, they were especially mindful of the fact that if they had just haphazardly strewn his clothing across the bed, the Shinigami would have obsessed over the disarray of his room for the next four hours instead of ever attending the party. Sneaky prats.

Kid entered the living room with damp, freshly showered hair and an outfit that made both girls turn and stare. Awkwardly. Tight low ridding pinstripe Capri pants that ended above the knees were accompanied by a sleeveless white shirt with a mandarin collar and a centered zipper that only ever seemed to zip up a little more than half way. Black leather cuffs and a simple shinigami necklace were all the accents he needed to be ready for the party he was dreading on attending. The awkward feeling only got worse the longer he stood there.

"What?"

"Uh…" Liz stammered with nothing to back up her ice breaker while Patty suddenly burst into her neurotic laughter that always made Kid just a little edgy.

"WHAT?" he stressed again, vein popping from his forehead as the headache from earlier came back with full force.

"'resuperlate!" Liz was on her feet and halfway to the door before Kid could figure out what the hell she had just blubbered.

Lifting a fine eyebrow, the youngest Shinigami grabbed his house keys from the coffee table near the couch and headed towards the open door the sisters had left in their wake. This was going to be a very long night.

~*~

Black Star was on his fourth shot and fifth beer before he noticed something was off. He was feeling the alcohol and the music drumming in his ears but he wasn't as excited to be there as he should be.

"What's up?" Soul fell gracelessly onto the couch beside him, head lulling back against the top of the couch with a shit eating grin and screamed intoxication. "You're not worried about Kid, are you?"

Black star made a face. "Me? Worried about HIM? Are you serious? Kid passes out every day and somehow manages to survive just fine. He wouldn't have the honor of being called my friend if something as pathetic as a nose bleed could take him out."

"Point well made." Soul nodded quickly to, apparently, compensate for the sluggish feeling the alcohol was causing him. "Speaking of which, he's late."

"Really?" Star looked around for a clock, clearly having not paid a bit of attention to the time. Oh well. "Where are the rest of the beers?"

"Kitchen." The white haired teen motioned somewhere over his shoulder through the massive crowds of people jammed into his little apartment. Seriously? Who knew this many people could fit into their place without killing each other or setting something on fire.

"ACK! MY CURTAINS!!"

Scratch the "on fire" part.

Black Star slipped pass a panicked Maka who was throwing water on her smoldering curtain remains while Tsubaki did her best to help, which mostly consisted of ushering the guilty parties far FAR from the scene of the crime. In the Kitchen people were mostly standing around bullshitting their way through an alcohol laced conversation. Smooth. Even the great Black Star wasn't going to attempt that. Not that he couldn't pull it off with all of his charisma and charm but because it would be wasted on unworthy drunkards who simply couldn't appreciate his words of… awesome.

Yanking the fridge open, Black star frowned at the significant lack of beer. Gone? For real? How could Soul so carelessly under estimate Black Star's capacity to-- No.. this was probably Maka's fault. Soul was WAY more considerate of him than THAT.

With a frustrated huff, the Star resigned himself to mixing drinks with whatever he had at hand. A huge grin cracked on his lips the moment he started because he knew his drinks would be nothing short of stellar. Throwing in bits of this and that together, he managed to finish his creation in time for the crowds to get a little quiet. They must have been anticipating his greatness.

Eyeing his concoction one last time, Black Star poured his accomplishment into two very large glasses before making his way back into the living room.

"Hey Soul! You were outta beer so.. I.. made…" And there was kid. Hair damp and slightly ruffled, clothes clinging to him and a line of skin teasing its way just past the center of his chest in a way Star never saw before. He suddenly snapped his jaw shut when he realized it had been hanging open. Damn alcohol made him do weird things.

Shifting his way towards the door, Black Star gave an approving nod. It was certainly rare to see Kid like this. In fact, he couldn't remember ever seeing this much of Kid's skin…ever. Was that weird that bare legs, bare arms, bare shoulders and a sliver of bare chest was the most amount of skin anyone had ever seen Kid show? Or was it weirder that he was still starring?

"You made?" Soul was suddenly behind him and Black Star cursed the alcohol for his dulled senses.

"Mixed drinks. Want one?"

"Sure, I could use a-"

"Not YOU, Soul.." The blue haired boy snorted with a hint of amusement as he shoved a drink in Kid's hand. "HIM. Remember? This is special operation 'get kid laid' tonight?" Black Star was too drunk and too Black Star to beat around a bush or cater to social sensibilities enough to NOT embarrass a guest.

"Uh.." The god of death was stained in a crimson blush as he took the drink and began to down it without asking any questions. Big mistake. The drink tasted something akin to paint thinner and a berry medley two weeks too late to be called good. So as not to offend, he managed to swallow the damn chug he took and not cough it up a moment later. God only knows how he managed but it certainly was NOT thanks to his taste buds. You know, the ones rejecting the toxic waste he had just consumed a second ago? "You MADE this?" Kid pressed, taking in large gulps of air in order to force the alcohol to stay down.

"Sure as hell did! Amazing isn't it?" Black Star slapped Kid hard on the back which made Kid throw up a little in his mouth and wish to god he hadn't asked. Or HAD asked before taking the drink in the first place. God knows if he had been paying attention at all and actually HEARD Black Star said he made it, Kid would have found the nearest foliage or trash receptacle to toss the putrid drink into. Poor plant but poor Kid's stomach more, save a tree was NOT on his list of things to do that month.

Holding onto the drink because social grace demanded it, Kid continually looked for a place to dump it while walking with Black Star who was playing the ever gracious wing man. It started out easy. Sort of. Black star would pick out a girl, let Kid debate on her and then (inevitably) move on.

"Well, hey, Kim is single."

"Is she?" Death lifted a fine brow as they spotted the witch from across the room.

"Well no one has said anything about dating her so that means she's fair game."

Kid considered saying something about the glasses clad teenager having a stare down with the back of Star's head but opted to mistakenly take another sip of his drink instead. Gawd _Damnit_. He swallowed hard just in time to cough in the face of a girl being shoved in his direction.

"Ah.." the girl discreetly wiped her face to try and save them both an embarrassingly awkward moment. Too late.

"Kim.." The Shinigami smiled through the pain of trying to play off the tune of his gag reflex screaming Black Star's bar tending talents. "Long time no see."

"Er.. Yeah.. So…" She was rubbing at the back of her head, a tinge of pink unevenly coloring her cheeks. Great. How could he possibly even consider speaking to this girl, let alone having sex with her, if she couldn't even manage to blush evenly?

"Kid-kun?"

Death blinked several times before he realized he had just spaced out in the middle of a conversation. Then again, could you really blame him? Seriously, that blush…

"I'm sorry. I can't talk to you. Your face… I.. I just can't talk to you. Good bye."

Kim starred and Black Star's mouth dropped open as the Death God took another long swig of his drink before wincing and walking off. He really needed to dump that shit. Stat.

And as if by miracle, he spotted a plant. Quickly moving towards it, Kid moved to pour the wretched thing out when that regrettably familiar hand clamped down on his shoulder.

"Damn Kid!" Star was laughing, almost uncontrollably, so he barely noticed Kid fumble to keep his drink upright again. "You're worse off than I thought. Did you SEE the look on her face?" He apparently thought this was a riot. Kid did not share the same sentiments. Of course he did not see the look on her face, her face defied blushing standards and was therefore un-look…able.

Really, how much alcohol had he already consumed? Kid was not pleased.

Despite his obvious displeasedness, Black Star ushered Kid into a more crowded part of the living room, pointing out the pros while ignoring the cons of having a girl in your life. Or at the very least getting laid once in a while.

Kid seemed adamantly opposed to commenting on the subject via the way he kept taking sips of his drink, which turned into gulps, which turned into gags followed by a peculiar face that Black Star could not name. Though he had his suspicions it looked something akin to nausea.

"What about Blair?"

Kid choked on his poisonous distraction from reality, "What _about _Blair?"

"Well she's--"

"--Here."

"NYAAAAN!" Blair had this unique habit to always pop up where she was least wanted like a damn jack-in-the-box with significantly less clothing.

Speaking of clothing or lack their of, apparently for Blair the height of fashion this week was a pair of black bra and panties. Although on this special occasion the bra and panties were evidently optional. Or practically so as a very petite g-string bikini could hardly contest as clothing.

"You called nyaan-nyaan?!"

"No."

"Yes! Yes we did!" Black Star's eyes lit up like Christmas lights in December as he shoved Kid forward without so much as a well-to-do into Blair's ample assets. Shinigami only knows that this could NOT have been a mistake, but if it HAD been, there could not have been a more monumental one.

Death froze up in a rather rigor mortis-like state, unwilling to move an inch as he precariously laid between the suffocating assets that could only belong to Blair.

"Phfmr fearmon fernahat.

"What was that?" The Star and Blair popped off simultaneously.

Kid jerked his head back, wind milling his arms in a unreasonably dramatic fashion, eyes wide with what one might perceive as terror. Amazing how he managed to do all this and not spill a drop of the affronted drink still clutched tightly in his (no pun intended) deathly pale hand. Black Star just managed to roll his eyes, God only knows what could be wrong NOW.

"I am NOT drunk enough to consent to bestiality."

Oh come on. Really? "But she's Blair in human form!"

"Her right boob is bigger than her left."

And how Kid could deduce this with one hand by his side, one hand in the air firmly clamped around his drink and only the sides of his face touching that part of her anatomy was _beyond _Star.

To say the least, he was kind of impressed. "Really?" At the very least, if he wasn't going to get laid then he could always make a pretty entertaining party trick.

"They are NOT!" Blair huffed indignantly as she stormed off to find Soul. That wasn't going to end well but the bluenette could only worry about one friend at a time. All or nothing he always said. Actually he didn't always say that but he could if he wanted to, and that was the point.

Disappointingly, much of the evening went by in exactly the same manner. Star would find a girl he thought was decent enough to present to Kid and the teenage death god with a virgin curse would find SOME way to shoot her down.

"Well what about-"

"Her eyes aren't level. Hideous."

"Okay well.. There's always…"

"She has uneven lips."

"Sue has always been a-"

"Unsymmetrical shoulder line."

And it just went on and on. Her forehead is too big. Her feet are too big. Her nose is too long and it throws off the balance of her face.

It got to the point that Black Star found himself desperately grabbing at straws. The only straws left at the party that Death hadn't seriously offended enough to kill him.

"Well there's always Crona." Poor thing sitting in the far corner, drink in hand and Maka trying to console Crona out of something. Yeah. Good luck with THAT. Even Black Star's beautiful glow of magnificence wasn't exactly unaffected by the black hole abyss that was Crona's personality.

"No. Just no. I can't even look at him without cringing. How am I suppose to have sex with him.. Her.. It."

"You could always use a paper bag?" Apparently Black Star had said this loud enough to earn a few questioning looks. And by questioning I mean brimming with the promise of a painful demise.

"No."

"Wait.. You think Crona's a guy?" Revelation was on the tip of his tongue here, now if only that tongue wasn't so numb from alcohol he could figure out what the hell this meant.

"Yes. No. Wait. What are we talking about?"

"Paper bags."

"I prefer lunch boxes. Metal is more durable for holding lunch."

"Yeah I guess. My sandwich does always get flattened when I use a paper bag."

At this point, Soul had finally made his way back over to the couch from the negative vortex otherwise known as Crona. "What the hell are you guys talking about?"

Kid perked up at the sudden change in people. "The durability of lunch boxes verses paper bags for carrying food properly from place to place."

"… Shouldn't you be talking about getting laid? It's already 1:30."

Both heads swiveled towards the clock as if they could actually read it.

"Who's getting laid?" Kid was the first to turn from the clock to Soul, curious expression crossing his rather oblivious face.

"Oh good god."

Black Star took this as an opening, "We are!"

Kid redirected his attention, "We are?"

Soul blinked. "YOU are?"

Star frowned "We are?"

Death balked, "WE are?!"

"Jezzus guys," Soul Evans was rubbing at his face, trying to comprehend what was happening without jumping to some pretty mind altering conclusions, "How much have you had to drink?"

Apparently Black Star didn't understand what a rhetorical questions were because in the next moment he was on his feet with a hand firmly wrapped around Kid's wrist. "Not enough!"

"Clearly."

"Come Kid! We're on a Mission!"

"You want me to what?"

Black Star didn't answer because Black Star was far too preoccupied with dragging his new found point of interest through the party towards the kitchen. Soul made a mental note to not let the two of them near alcohol ever again. Or at least alcohol and each other's presence at the exact same time.

Now, Star was on a mission and he took this with the utmost sincerity that one could muster under the haze of enough alcohol to kill a lesser man. See, the bluenette orphan was under the distinct impression that the more drunk Kid became, the more likeable he could be. Not that he wasn't already likeable, it was just his neurotic way of fixating on everything that wasn't symmetrical that was intolerable by most standards. Black Star could deal but that's because Black star was amazing and learned a thing or two about patience from his girlfriend.

Upon finding no alcohol in the kitchen, the Star refused to be detoured and immediately turned towards the back of the apartment where Soul's room awaited them. No doubt, that white haired scythe had more booze in his bedroom because it was cool to have that sort of thing in your bedroom and Soul was the epitome of cool. And even if he wasn't, Black Star had little reason to doubt otherwise. After all, he DID have the honor of being Star's best friend.

With the door closed so no one else could get the same idea, they continued their search for aforementioned forms of intoxication until they stumbled across a somewhat indiscreet box under the bed. Curious and Curiouser pulled it out without a second thought, rummaging through the items before it occurred to either of them WHAT exactly they were going through.

"Lube comes in flavors?" The Death god was holding up a bottle littered with strawberry shapes and claims all over the damn thing, eyebrows nearly meeting his hairline as he did so.

"Oh sure!" Star swiped the object out of his friend's hand in order to look at it. "I have blueberry at home."

"I'm trying to feel surprised."

"Why try?"

"Does it really taste like strawberries?" Who would have guessed that one (mostly) innocent little question would become the downfall of them both.

"Not sure. Give me your arm and hold still."

Now, normally, Kid would have found reason to object to the demand for the sake of his high morals or just for the sheer weirdness of the situation. However, after finishing off the rest of the toxic sludge that he noticed, by the end, tasted more like lime than floor cleaner, Kid was less inclined to listen to his voice of reason. The voice that was now sounding suspiciously sluggish as it suggested he give Black Star both so it could be even.

Which is exactly what he did.

Not thinking about it, or simply not caring, Black Star promptly pushed the top of the bottle down and let a mist settle across the wrists of his companion. He could do this to himself but that would just be weird. Besides, this sort of thing always tasted better when licked off someone else. Right?

Leaning over, he ran his tongue over the supple skin and concentrated on actually tasting what was there. Which WAS a feet considering his amazing drink mixing skills were pushing him past the point of most normal functions. Interestingly enough, the flavor was strong and the taste positively agreed with his pallet enough for him to immediately move on to the second wrist without hesitation.

And by the time he looked up, Kid was flushed. Wha?

"Well?" He seemed to choke out, eyes at half mass in an expression Black Star had never seen Kid make. Ever.

"Tastes like strawberry candy." Which was close enough in his books. "Try it! It's actually good." The grin that was splayed from ear to ear slowly fell when the amazing Star looked down at his own outfit to discover he was wearing a long sleeve shirt with cargo board shorts. Oh this would not due.

Not really considering the fact that he could just roll his sleeves up, the bluenette ripped his shirt off and sent it flying haphazardly in a direction he did not know and did not care about. Snatching the bottle back up from where he left it, Star didn't even look before he pressed down on the top and sent the spray NOT at his arm like he had intended but right at his face.

Dead silence followed. Again, no pun intended.

There was something obviously clicking and turning in the other boy's head for by the time Black Star realized he needed to wipe his face off with something, Kid was leaning forward at a more rapid pace. The soft and slightly wet sensation of having his cheek gently caressed by Death the Kid's tongue was startling enough for Black Star to turn and face him wide eyed and more than a little perplexed.

This turned out to be a mistake.

A really hot mistake.

Unintentionally Black Star's lips met Death's tongue and both were far too wasted to realize any kind of baggage that came with this sort of error. Too wasted and, apparently, too turned on to mind.

If Black Star thought he was awesome before, this moment only served to prove it.

The slight gasp of shock was all the invitation that Star needed before he made his move, suddenly pressing forward so he could sample the strawberry candy flavor off of a different section of Death's skin. Tongue gently brushing against tongue, traces of lemon vodka, strawberry candy and a number of other berry-like flavors he couldn't discerned past "alcoholic" were overwhelming. And weirdly, kind of complementary.

Drunkenly Black Star's hands moved of their own accord, fumbling with the shirt in his way like he had a hundred times before with someone else. Someone who his brain was absolutely refusing to name or place at this moment because Death the Kid was taking over his senses.

Honestly, before this night he had never really considered this sort of situation with Death. Now that it was happening, he wondered why the hell he hadn't. Fingers were roaming, pulling, tugging, scrapping and scrambling down their greedy path to touch more skin than he had ever even seen before. And why the hell not? Kid wasn't complaining. No, no, Kid was FAR from complaining if the deep rumbling moan drifting up from his throat had anything to do with it.

At last Death was devastated of his shirt and Star had free access to the most flawless skin he had ever laid eyes on, let alone touch. Pulling back from their fevered, almost bruising, kisses, the orphan merely starred in wonder.

He totally deserved this.

In fact, if there was ever something Black Star was absolutely sure he deserved, it was the half naked, totally rumpled and slightly intoxicated God of Death looking up at him from a disheveled bed with a look that was practically begging for more. Yeah. As mentioned before, he totally deserved this.

Still, in spite of how much HE deserved this, Black Star had the decency to stop long enough to ask. Well.. Sorta ask.

"I want this. Now."

Okay, so it wasn't really asking but it was the closet thing Kid was going to get to a warning.

"The feeling is mutual."

And apparently he was just sort of fine with that. Which was great because Black Star wasn't entirely sure what he would have done with a rejection at this point.

Pressing forward once more, darker hands roamed over pale skin before inevitably making their way towards the button of the pants still posing as a restriction between them. Lips were slowly moving against lips and Black Star found himself loosing it every second that he kept it going. Kid was an intoxication all on his own. It was like he could taste the raw power humming through his body under all the artificial flavors of man kind. It was exhilarating. Like tasting electricity without the negative or painful ramifications of doing so.

Hook. Line. And sinker.

The button came loose and the zipper was giving way before any sign of trepidation occurred.

"Wait."

And Black Star only actually managed to pause his actions because the word shocked him more than commanded him to do so.

"What?" No really. WHAT? What could POSSIBLY be stopping them from--

Kid was getting off the bed. No way. No way in HELL was a death god walking away from HIM. He just wasn't happening. The world wouldn't be so cruel!

Then again.. He WAS an orphan.

And just as Black Star was on the verge of one hell of a downer, Kid was walking (read: stumbling) back to him, something thin and black in hand. He stopped at the edge of the bed, looking down at his blue haired companion who was half sitting up and starring like a starving man at the beginning of a buffet line.

The slight popping sound of a cap was followed but a really unpleasant scent and the weirdest sensation of being drawn on.

The darker of the two actually had to blink in rapid succession to fully comprehend what the HELL Death was doing to him. A second later, Kid was smiling to himself with that self-pleased expression that spoke of a cat catching a mouse in his food dish.

"Perfect."

There was only a second in space and time for Black Star to register that Kid had drawn another star on him before the intoxicated soon-to-be-no-longer-a-virgin pounced.

To this day, nothing would ever be so worth the pain of a horrible hang over than the look on Soul's face as he walked into his bedroom later that morning.

Except maybe the secondary tattoo, that was totally of worth it too.

**~LA FIN~**

* * *

*** Epilogue ***

"Does it ever bother you the way Black Star ended it all with you?" Maka was trying to be polite but the question had been burning in her mind for the last six months that she just HAD to say something.

Tsubaki had been so damn calm and collected that Maka felt like she had to bring it up and push the matter for the girl's sake. Because, seriously, if Soul had done something like that to her, she would have killed him and buried him out back.

"Why would it?"

Maka starred, "Because you were dating and he.. Ya know… with KID of all people."

Tsubaki, bless her soul, actually looked shocked for a good minute before responding.

"Who ever said we were dating?"

**End XD**


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